I am enough…

Today was the first (half) day of school for CityGirl and BittyGirl. The perks of having three girls means that we only really have to do hardcore Back To School (BTS) shopping for CityGirl. I do get a couple new outfits for BittyGirl, but she’s pretty much set with hand-me-downs. I am SUPER stoked that the 90s have finally made a comeback. Looking through the clothes in the stores, it was like looking at the costume department for the TV show “My So-Called Life”. Lucky for me, CityGirl is VERY into comfy clothes. And if you lived through the 90s, you know darn well that it was ALL about comfort.

CityGirl picked out a cute outfit with floral print wide leg pants, a black lace-trimmed cami and a silver-gray open knit cardigan. She put it on and immediately looked much older than I would like to admit she is right now. She also got her first flannel. I almost shed some tears in the dressing room, y’all. If she wasn’t growing so fast, I’d totally buy her some Docs (or a close knockoff thereof). While trying to find her a pair of jeans to go with that flannel, we hit a major snag.

“I’m not skinny enough for skinny jeans.” Those words came out of the mouth of my intelligent, witty, beautiful and perfectly normal size 8 1/2 year old daughter.  It made my heart and my stomach both drop into my feet. I had taken a size 8 pair of skinny jeans in with us, and while they were 6 inches or more too long, they were cutting into her tiny little belly. It was ridiculous. I looked up at her and said, “No, sweetie, you’re fine, it’s these jeans that are the problem.”

“I’m not skinny enough…” Her words have been repeating themselves in my head since that day. I was always a skinny girl growing up. I remember feeling awkward and scrawny and flat chested for many years and I do NOT want this for my girls. Plenty has been written about how we should be building our daughters up with a focus on their intelligence and talents and less emphasis on their appearance. I’m not going to go into that because plenty of other people have said it before me and probably said it better than I could.

“I’m not enough…” I’ve been working on my own feelings of self worth over the past few months for personal reasons, and this experience has strengthened my resolve. I want to be an example to my daughters – the right kind of example. I want to show them there is so much more to a person than what is on the outside. I want them to love themselves and appreciate the talents they have. CityGirl is becoming quite the little nerd girl, and I love it. She plays Minecraft and talks about it incessantly. She loves science. She was so excited when I signed her up for the Spanish language program at her elementary school, chanting, “Knowledge, knowledge, knowledge!” I hope she keeps up that enthusiasm, if obtaining knowledge is what she is truly passionate about.

“I’m enough…” At the end of the day, this is what I want my girls to think and feel. I hope that I can foster this in them as they grow into the young women they are destined to be. But it starts with me and the example I set. It’s one of the reasons I decided to start blogging again. I enjoy writing and getting my thoughts out. It’s something I’m doing for me. I want them to see their mom continuing to grow and learn and evolve as much as they do. I want them to see their mom content with who she is and what she’s doing in life and never giving up.

And so, that’s what I’ll do.

Because I am enough.